Waiting

Okay, so all along, I have tried to play it cool. My husband and I started planning from the second month of us going out that we would have at least one more kid. (Preferably, twin boys.) But, then I went through a bulging disc and back surgery and we faced foreclosure and bankruptcy as a result. Needless to say, hopes of trying for children quickly went out the window.

Recently, however, the hubby and I made the leap and decided to start trying. I am already 31, my girls are 10 and 6, and we have gotten fairly stable financially. So far I have not really allowed myself to get too excited. Yes, I want another kid. At the same time, I am scared senseless about it.

After having back surgery, how is my back going to deal with a pregnancy?

I had my last kid 10 years ago, how is my body going to deal with a pregnancy? Is it going to be as easy as it was before?

I am over 30, am I at risk for birth defects?

I am still technically in bankruptcy, can I be out of it and ready to look at our final house by the time baby arrives?

We are in a three bedroom house, where can we fit a third kid (especially if it's the hoped for boy)?

At the prime age of 21, it took 2 years to get pregnant. Can I even get pregnant now?

Yeah, I have a lot of worries and what ifs floating around in this head of mine. BUT. Even with all those concerns, I find that I view a lot of things differently now that we are trying. I try to figure out when I am ovulating and focus more on that time of the month. When I decide to have the 2nd cup of coffee, I actually feel a little guilty. Now that I am trying to make sure we can afford another mouth to feed, savings is even more important to me than ever before.

This is fun, stressful, and I relish every bit of it!